just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
