I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
