U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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