dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
