on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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