2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?