quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.