here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave