quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dating After Heartbreak
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.