Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.