Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
