She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
