if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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