someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
