I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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