yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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