I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
