Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
