OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
