I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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