Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
