I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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