Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
