Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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