Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
