Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
