How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
