I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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