You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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