You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
