My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
