i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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