It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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