Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
