FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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