My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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