Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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