they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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