Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
