# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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