so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
