The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
