I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
