just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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