I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
