dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
