i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
