Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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