She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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