gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
