Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
