oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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