my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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