totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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