What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
