Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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