If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
