I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
