You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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