I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
