the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize