I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
