so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize