so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
