You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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