If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
