Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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