Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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