I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
