just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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