I accidentally had phone sex last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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