the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
