As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
