You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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