Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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