Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She needs sedatives and a leash
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
