So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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