If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
